Pictures Rachel Guedes-Family Project
After several readers ask me this theme by Instagram, I decided to write about the decision to have or not to have the second child.
I always wanted to have two children.
However after Bruna was born, I had moments where I thought I’d stop by there.
After all I had a girl, something I’ve always dreamed of, and was 100% held as a mother. And I couldn’t understand how it would be possible to love another child as I love Bruna.
Besides my life was great.
Bruna was a very easy baby, slept all night without waking up since 3 months, ate everything, never got sick. So the arrival of a baby in my life I just completed.
Of course my routine changed 100%.
But everything was ok, since I had a nanny who was helping me with the Bruna so I can keep working with maternity bras and be able to enjoy my daughter without getting so tired and stressed out with day to day obligations.
When Bruna did 1 year we started talking about the second son. Because it took me a few months to get pregnant the first time, so now with less time and 1 son at home I thought; I’m going to stop taking pill because I will definitely take 1 year to get pregnant.
The truth is that I had not the slightest rush and was indeed astray.
My husband always wanted 1 more son and never considered having only to Bruna.
I was in doubt.
You know when you don’t want to mess who’s winning time?
Yes, selfish thinking. But yes my mind not wanting another child.
One day I woke up one day with a really weird cramps. Other than that I always had.
It was then that I saw that was delayed 1 day and it hit me that I could be pregnant.
I thought: “Oh, no it is possible to spent for delays up to 5 days, numerous tests negative, it won’t be the first who will get pregnant.”
I went to the drugstore, bought the cheaper test and confirmed: positivissimo!
The first positive you never forget, cry of emotion, of happiness. It’s a feeling that does not fit in the chest.
The second too, but I cried with fear, insecurity.
The real is that I didn’t find it funny in this positive.
What do you mean pregnant again!????
After a few minutes of panic breathed, and I had no more back, I was expecting another child. I decided to thank God and our Lady of Fatima that both help me and ask just to come with good health and that all right. And then encorporei that had been blessed again.
It is worth noting that the second pregnancy is not easy when you have a 1 year old baby at home. You have to cuddle, run, duck, paying attention and is sick, unwell, tired and the belly grows as it goes the work that the first child gives.
But so far so good. Your life doesn’t change much because you barely remember that she’s pregnant, and in fact time passes much quicker.
Many people say they sense a radical change with the arrival of the first child.
For me it was with the arrival of the second.
When was born the Boghiu, then I felt a radical change in my life.
After a few days at home with her, exhausted, feeble, and nonsense of Bruna having jealous all day I wondered: What did I do with my life?
All radically changes unless you’re one of the few privileged to have a nanny for each child and folguista on the weekends. If not, get ready to get busy all day.
And not so much for the initial phase, but for now where both consume me with unparalleled energy.
During the week split with the nanny and the weekends with my husband. And as I still have to work, simply does not exist any time for me.
So I can schedule a manicure I have to schedule in advance.
For I have lunch with a friend, I have to see if my mom can come and stay with one of them, while the babysitter is.
And so it goes…
And with the job of nursemaids increasingly expensive and with reduced workload, we have no one else to night and even on the weekends. In other words, without a little dinner, without a movie without a morning at the hairdresser.
Yes, it’s a phase, and it will soon pass. I am well aware of that.
But today I say that lived the most tiring and intense year of my entire life.
Disheveled day chasing the girls, leading to a pediatrician and passing sleepless nights because one of them is with a little something. Because Yes, they get sick and one passes to the other and so will taking turns everyday…
Often realize that the day has passed, I didn’t even had lunch and even had time to look at myself in the mirror.
And history repeats itself in the House of all the Moms I know you are with two small children. There’s no one who didn’t complain of tiredness, lack of time, vanity and left out.
All this okay.
But for me the worst is to blame. Alive haunted by guilt finding that I can’t give due attention to each one of them. That’s because I’m one of the few privileged who can work from home and make some money. See the days pass, they grow up and want to stop the clock to calmly enjoy each one of them, within their desires and expectations. And many times I’m so tired that I can’t find more grace in anything they do, and until I lose my temper. Which brings me even more guilt.
So today if I could go back, I think I get pregnant even before da Bruna have done 1 year. Do you have changed a lot in relation to the day to day logistics, and earlier I would have some freedom and might start thinking a little on me. And in the case of siblings, the smaller the difference, the better for them and easier for parents. So it’s going to all the work at once, use the same structure to House, clothes, food, nanny …
Because today if I hadn’t to Manu, too lazy to start all over again.
Now the bright side and all that.
It is extremely pleasurable take care of the second baby.
Because you realize how easy it is, and that real work comes when the baby starts to crawl.
I took care of alone of Manu because baba was with Bruna. I gave all the baths, I changed all the diapers, I woke up every night and I confess I didn’t bother me at all. Quite the contrary. I continued working with her by my side and even when she’s sitting on the rug, with a lot of toys and there she spent some time having fun.
And you realize that Yes, the baby can learn to play by yourself and you don’t have to be around all the time.
You realize that Yes, the baby can stay in the stroller, in the car seat, the bouncer or cradle, without you having to cuddle all the time.
I believe until you enjoyed more the baby phase of Manu for not having insecurities and know how time flies and not coming back.
And don’t worry, you’ll love so madly in the your second child as if it were the first. Because each child is a, and the experience renews itself, multiplies.
Is too good.
When you think about having a second child, every woman needs to know to manage your time and your chances.
Have women working with a steady job and need to take some time to get pregnant again;
Have women who are older and cannot wait that long;
Women who want to manage costs to be able to have another child, Have babies who have a lot of work and the parents cannot hear about another child for now anyway.
There’s no rule, and in each House works in a way.
Because I believe that should be a delight after un 3-4 years you don’t remember more than one pregnancy and what it’s like to have a baby at home and can start all over again. Feel the thrill of a positive test, assemble the outfit, prepare everything. And be able to do that with the first child a little more independent, without being so small and understanding what it’s like to have a brother, facilitates. All my friends who have had children with more than 3 years apart have been pretty quiet and repeated the experiment.
As everything has your good side and your side not as good …
I’m 100% today. Despite all the stress and lack of time, I’m blessed to have two children with health and experience something new every day. In addition to being able to feel the love for each one of them growing up and me completing a delightful way.
And I miss a small baby with me.
There is no longer any possibility of me having the third son, but I’m sure if I was a little younger, I’d end up having an early!
So today I want to know from you that has 2 or 3 kids, how was the experience and what gap between them? Someone had a early?